New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
