Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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