bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
