she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
