Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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