It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
