You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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