I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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