You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
