last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
