Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
