i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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