what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
