I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
