How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
