Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
