Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
