He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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