Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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