just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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