thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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