Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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