I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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