It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize