If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
