No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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