Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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