she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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