you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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