I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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