Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
