these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
