I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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