Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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