Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
