id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
