You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
