He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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