so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
