So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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