Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
