my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
