I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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