is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
