Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
