i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
