Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
