I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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