My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
