you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just gargled with NyQuil
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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