cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
