he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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