i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
