just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I love you.
Bad choice
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
