I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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