Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
