I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
