I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
