I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I would fuck him just for his dog
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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