If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
