I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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