I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
