So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
