my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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