I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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