she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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