Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
