do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
