You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
