I think I died a long time ago.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
