Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
