I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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