i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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