I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
