To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
