Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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