also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
