I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
