Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
