id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
