I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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