i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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