so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
