We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
